When I started doing The New Tantra workshops in 2010, I was not able to fuck a woman any longer than 3 minutes, if I even made it that far. Having huge problems with premature ejaculation at the time.
Nowadays I am a bodyworker and tantric gigolo/escort and women pay me for my work!
About 10 years ago I participated in the 21 Day Challenge for the first time and one of the issues I ran into was the pressure building up in my lower body and not really knowing what to do about it.
It often felt like the only way to get back to normal again was to give in to the little voice in my head, telling me that it was probably no problem to jerk off and have a ‘little’ release… Just to be able to manage the unpleasant feeling in my lower body.
Instead of giving in, I kept going and an amazing thing happened 8-9 days later; the energy that I’d built up was sort of released into my body, and I felt better than I’ve done for about 30 years. No mountain was too high, no problem unsolvable, my partner looked more beautiful than ever and the best was that the restlessness left my body. Replacing that with a feeling of fulfillment, that I’ve never encountered before.
So far, the good part….
After I made it to 21 days, I felt so confident that I kept going on the non-cumming path.
Easy-peasy I thought. How wrong I was though…
The first couple of times I had sex after the 21 days, I was not able to move much, my cock felt just overly sensitive. Every little move from my partner was too much. And therefore to no surprise 3 days after completing the 21-day-challenge, I had a miss (an involuntary ejaculation) and in that moment I realized I had been slightly too optimistic about how well I did on mastering my sexuality (-;
So I started to look for information on how to manage this better, and also on how to proceed after having a so-called ‘miss’.
This is what I found out:
1) Abstain from sex and masturbation for a few days after having a miss (or at least stay under 80% of your horniness and ask your partner to co-operate with you, so no penetration). Refrain from having orgasms if you don’t have much energy or if you feel that the tendency to squeeze the Kegels are very strong. The squeezing reflex relaxes after a few days and it becomes easier to control.
2) Try to stay below the point of no return at about 80% of your horniness level. At least now in the start of your practice. If you go above 80% you may lose control much faster than you think.
3) Practice not to squeeze your Kegel muscles when you get very aroused. Instead, let go of tension, relax the muscles in your ass, legs, abdomen, and genitals. This may help reduce the sensations and allow the sexual energy to circulate more easily in your whole body.
Another practice I started doing in this early stage was more specific workout exercises, aimed at opening my bodily base, relaxing in that region, and letting the energy run more fluidly through my body, such as compound exercises (squatting, deadlift, running) and on top of that a lot of stretching and some yoga poses like the plough.
This helped me to be able to conduct the energy much better, and also giving me a better sense of how my body reacts to certain sexual encounters.
Besides this, I started to write down my experiences in a diary, and with every near-miss or full-blown miss, I started to track back what, when and how things went wrong in that exact moment.
By doing so I got much more awareness of my process, the little devil’s voice in my head telling me I was doing really good (NOT!), my way of dealing with women, etc.
In the end, it took me about 1,5 years (and a lot of practice) to be able to fuck as long as needed, without having to hold back.
I now fully realize that mastering your sexuality, or at least your cumming reflex, is not as easy as I thought it was. It’s not easy at all, BUT it is totally worth it.
I have no urge anymore to perform in a certain way, chasing to get pussy.
I am no longer obsessed with sex anymore, I just fully enjoy it when it happens, but don’t need it anymore to feel fulfilled.
The sex I am currently having is most of the time mind-blowing, and lasts for so much longer than the 10-20mins from start to finish, as it used to be in the past.
If you have any questions after reading this or feel that you could use some online coaching, please visit our private sessions page.
Ciao for now,